Fresh

Since this last semester at UVU started I've felt pretty darn good. I'm doing well in classes (with the exception of my first international relations exam, actually I just felt like I did bad, I don't know for certain yet), reading new books, running faster and further than I have in years, I'm a better climber than I remember being (that still isn't very good), and I've just been having fun making new friends and going on new adventures. I can honestly say I have no complaints about my life.

On that note, I've always felt like I was a happy person. Seriously.

However, This last weekend made me rethink my life. So my life hasn't been fair (whose has?), people have wronged me, and I've been hard on myself for the mistakes I've made. Like really hard. I was talking to my mom Thursday night, just telling stories about my past and I started crying. It hit the point were I was at a full on meltdown. I know how many people say this, but I almost never cry anymore. It made me realize how close I was holding the past to myself, not just the big stuff, I hadn't let go of anything. I had forgiven other people, but never myself. I punish myself on a regular basis. Not like, I'm into self mutilation, eating disorders or anything freaky like that. I've just kept myself from enjoying things I loved growing up.

Okay, now onto the resolution. I realized I've been killing myself on an emotional level. I needed to let go, so I'm starting. Everytime I have a negative thought about myself or anyone else I forgive it. Either out loud when I'm alone, or in my mind when I'm around people. If I keep having a destructive thought, I keep forgiving it.

3 days into my new project, I'm not feeling quite as hot as I have, but it's getting better.

Sorry if you were checking in to find out about my latest advenure, but I think this is a pretty cool. I know this is different... I'm not very in touch with my emotions, so I don't talk or write about them. Honestly I may never do it again. But I'd like you to know, either way, I won't hold it against myself.