I think I just archived scheduling Nirvana. I have 19 credit hours next semester, with no classes on Monday or Friday.

I've never been so excited for a semester of school in my entire life. I have lots of new adventures planned for my weekly four day weekends like...

Hiking to the top of Mollies Nipple in Hurricane, Utah.

Skiing in the Rockies with my cousins.

Of course my life isnt complete without a bi-annual trip to Capitol Reef

And who knows what other adventures life is bound to bring me, all I know is that it doesn't get any better then this, so I might as well enjoy it!

Not sospecial

I'm not unique.
And I'm not special on a level where I'm completely irreplaceable.

And neither is anyone else.

I love that about being human.

Feeling unique is so lonely to me, and honestly, pretty darn self-centered. I don't understand how some people can go about their entire lives thinking that no one else had ever or will ever be anything like them. I like finding people who are just like me.

I find lots of people like me, but I'd been feeling especially standoffish this week. Except today, on my run I ran into an old friend, who was also just getting back into running, who loves to do the same stuff as me, and when they invited me in for a drink of water, they had the same favorite mug as me.

That to me was more special than all of that stuff by myself.

Fresh

Since this last semester at UVU started I've felt pretty darn good. I'm doing well in classes (with the exception of my first international relations exam, actually I just felt like I did bad, I don't know for certain yet), reading new books, running faster and further than I have in years, I'm a better climber than I remember being (that still isn't very good), and I've just been having fun making new friends and going on new adventures. I can honestly say I have no complaints about my life.

On that note, I've always felt like I was a happy person. Seriously.

However, This last weekend made me rethink my life. So my life hasn't been fair (whose has?), people have wronged me, and I've been hard on myself for the mistakes I've made. Like really hard. I was talking to my mom Thursday night, just telling stories about my past and I started crying. It hit the point were I was at a full on meltdown. I know how many people say this, but I almost never cry anymore. It made me realize how close I was holding the past to myself, not just the big stuff, I hadn't let go of anything. I had forgiven other people, but never myself. I punish myself on a regular basis. Not like, I'm into self mutilation, eating disorders or anything freaky like that. I've just kept myself from enjoying things I loved growing up.

Okay, now onto the resolution. I realized I've been killing myself on an emotional level. I needed to let go, so I'm starting. Everytime I have a negative thought about myself or anyone else I forgive it. Either out loud when I'm alone, or in my mind when I'm around people. If I keep having a destructive thought, I keep forgiving it.

3 days into my new project, I'm not feeling quite as hot as I have, but it's getting better.

Sorry if you were checking in to find out about my latest advenure, but I think this is a pretty cool. I know this is different... I'm not very in touch with my emotions, so I don't talk or write about them. Honestly I may never do it again. But I'd like you to know, either way, I won't hold it against myself.